Harmonizing Nazi Cannibals

For some reason, I always thought the Von Trapps were part of the Donner Party. I’d never watched The Sound of Music, so I had no idea those children were the Von Trapps. I also, inexplicably, thought the musical was about a happy-go-lucky German family during WWII.

Rest assured, my family is never going to stop laughing over this one.

It would be easier if I could claim this as a one-time mistake, but I have a growing track record of mistakes like this. I’m actually very well-versed in pop culture — I do very well in trivia games — but if I mishear something once or misinterpret it, it takes an excruciatingly long time to reprogram my brain with the correct information.

Take the Counting Crows song, “Rain King.” The actual lyrics (as I discovered to my chagrin) are:

When I think of heaven …
I think of dying
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather
Render up my body into the burning heart of God
In the belly of a black-winged bird
That song came out in 1995, which makes exactly a decade that I was singing, “… in the belly of a black Raymond Burr.”

I have no idea why I thought a photo-negative of Raymond Burr fit into that song. I suppose it makes as much sense as the band’s fixation with crows. Part of me thought it was commentary on Perry Mason vs. the deeply racist South. The lyrics displayed on Pandora once and I stared at it and said, “Oh, well, crap.”

I have a long history of similar fails. I used to confuse the Dirty Dozen with the Magnificent Seven, which I in turn mixed up with the Fantastic Four.

it’s genetic, as my offspring have the same tendency toward juxtaposing names, resulting in a few classic mix-ups:

• Confusing Richard Simmons and Gene Simmons … and isn’t it about time for KISS to release their songs for “Sweating to the Oldies”?
• Thinking Morris Day co-starred with Rock Hudson instead of Doris Day. (For anyone not in my generation, let me explain – Morris Day and the Time were Prince’s opening act in Purple Rain.)

And the world’s sweetest Pop Culture fail:
My daughter thought the singer of “Crazy Train” was one of Marie Osmond’s many brothers. Ozzy Osmond, right?

The slight tremor you just felt was the entire state of Utah shuddering.